...tonight I am not able to sleep. It's not because there is anything wrong, I am just pondering, that is, trying to mentally catch up with, all the changes. Tonight I am wishing that life would stay still for a bit while I catch my breath. It feels like I have been running and just need a "water break", so I can tie my shoe, breathe, re-evaluate my course, wipe my brow, before running again. Truth is, change is necessary, important, good....it's just that I feel like I am "chasing daylight" ...however, when the sun comes up in the morning, I will be good to go!
about this change thing....when we started OMESA, Nicole was living with Ashley in San Francisco, Ellie was unmarried, studying medicine in New Orleans, and William was unmarried, working and studying in Houston. OMESA was a dream. The plan was to build a home to live and gather everyone together, a place for recreation, solitude, restoration, enjoyment, rest, refreshment, contemplation...you got the idea? Well, we are about to complete this home and everything has changed. Nicole and Ashley are moving back to their beloved Virginia, Ellie and Matt are considering a committment with the Family Doctors in Shreveport, and William, Jorie and Liam are moving back to Shreveport and just bought a home 2 blocks from our Gilbert Place home.
So will we ever see our children in Fredricksburg? Will any of them have the TIME to visit? Will my precious children slow down long enough to watch the sunset, the sunrise, the birds soaring with the wind, the clouds moving in and then moving out, meet the resident porcupine strolling along side the barn, or just having a glass of tea on the back patio and sharing TIME with their 'ol mom. Not sure how all this works...this thing called life...we work our lives to be able to afford the enjoyable TIME with our loved ones but about the TIME you can sit for a moment, there's no one there to sit with you. It's this that is keeping me up tonight.
So here's what I think.... I am watching my children do what I did...hard to see at times....racing around as they build their careers, building their homes, their lives with family and friends, balancing responsiblities with commitments and taking them all seriously. I guess I was a good mentor for this, because they are all doing this life-thing in a similar fashion: all very successful...whatever that means. So I imagine they will look up in 35 years and see their own children gone, their bodies tired, some family members gone and burned out on their careers ...and maybe ask of themselves the same question, where's everybody? Maybe then they may hear OMESA calling them "home". So with Bill traveling and staying "busy"...I guess I will have TIME to sit at OMESA and ponder...so I will let you know what I conclude, that is, unless something changes!....
.... so it's with gratitude that I pray...."thank you God for the changes...for children who are living their lives fully, working, loving, growing and living good lives for you. I pray that they can be still long enough to feel your presence in their daily lives, to feel your love and know it's okay to stop running and breathe, to take a water break and visit their 'ol mom at OMESA.
Tonight I think about the love of St. Mary saying yes to you, Lord, as she left her family to join Joseph in their adventure with your Son. During this Christmas season, I am reminded that changes are a part of life, that we can plan all we want as long as we remember YOU HOLD THE ERASER. "
We hope to have all the children in Fredericksburg between Christmas and New Year's. Maybe they will meet Pat ( the OMESA resident porcupine)....and maybe they will want to come back to OMESA again and again...maybe, just maybe....
I hope this home on a rock will feel good to their hearts and they will want to be there to refresh their soul...and sit with their 'ol mom...that is before something changes AGAIN!
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